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Barbarella's Buck'n Can-can arrz
Beware some PG 13 content ! Shiver me timbers ~ Booty tales begins In the year 2077 things were tough all over. The world seemed to balance on the head of a pin, tethering at the edge of oblivion. Still even there at the brink of darkness, there were artists who sought to brighten the world by the light of the movie's silver screen. Millionaire, playboy and men's magazine Editor in chief, Hef Gadsby, also counted himself among those noble aficionados of the cinema, and while he had produced and directed a profitable and generally well distributed series of pirate jahnrah films, all loosely themed after the hugely popular amusement park ride, Buccaneers of the Barbary Coast, the "Entertainment" Commission to the House Un-American Activities investigation Committee disapproved of Gadsby and his productions, with their content's ever increasing flirtation with what the Commission deemed as a blurring of the line between the PG 13 and soft R ratings. In truth the most lusty thing about Hef Gadsby's productions were the exploitative movie posters designed to draw hormonal teens to the theaters and the questionable underground tabloid speculations about "adventures" on the Great Hef Gadsby's famous casting couch. Even most of these reports of Hef's sexual conquests were actually believed by Hollywood insiders to have been booth exaggerated and possibly leaked to the press by agents working on Hef's own behalf to boost the image of his legendary Man about town Machismo Mojo. Jan 3rd 2077 The WAR movie begins Hung over from New Year's Eve, the Great Hef Gadsby was in no mood for business let alone bad news. So when the anonymous messenger dropped a plain brown envelope through the mail slot of his, U.S. upper Boston, Massachusetts penthouse's adjacent office suite. The lite packet hit the hardwood floor with what sounded to Hef to be a thunder clap of doom. It was no more than a single page letter, yet the weight of it's words would echo long after the bombs laid waste to the mainland. This notification was sent to refuse Hef Gadsby a license to film his next picture in the continental commonwealths of the USA. The Entertainment Commission to the House Un-American Activities investigation Committee called his productions, debase to propper American values. Vulgar, Crude and Wholly Obsine. Well to say the least, the Great Hef Gadsby took these harsh words to heart as an act of war and war.. *War never changes... Hef Gadsby used his vast fortune to rush construction that would expand his already modest collection of replica Spanish Galleons in to a small flotilla complete with ship masters knowledgeable enough to train a full cast of actresses and extras in the art of sailing tall masted ships. Meanwhile Hef sent his agents out to scout for new talent. He knew reading lines was a skill that could be coached or in extreme cases dubbed in post production. Gadsby's talent scouts had a focused mission. They wanted ladies that were young, athletic, flexible, seductively beautiful and willing to perform in suggestive, even risque costumes. in a word, Hef Gadsby wanted strippers''.. Hef said "Four score and seven or eight would turn the trick !" With logistics in motion, Hef Gadsby set about rewriting the screen play that the Commission had essentially banned. The Commission to the House Un-American Activities investigation Committee thought they knew what was improper.. Hef would challenge their world perception of Vulgar, Crude and Wholly Obscene on an epic scale! The Great Hef Gadsby risked everything, his wealth and his very freedom in defiance of those who would regulate his liberty and the pursuit of happiness. This would be the Great Hef Gadsby's Masterpiece adventure more worthy than all the hype his men's magazine and movie exploits had ever built up. By THE GREAT Hef Gadsby's account, "His Nation" The nation of the AMERICAN DREAM had bigger issues than brief, side nudity shots and dialog charged with sexual '''innuendo and some obvious double entendre. Hef Gadsby mourned the news each day and he gained resolve to stand against it the best way he could. * Gas prices had sky rocketed to insane costs ! * Chinese sabotage attempts threatened Hoover Dam!! * The " New Plague " ,(FEV), hit Denver. Rioters burned down large parts of the city in their fear of contamination and anger at their treatment. Many citizens soon panicked and fled the city by car, clogging the freeways as they ran out of gas, trapping residents behind them and blocking aid from the outside !!! The Great Hef Gadsby was a "MEDIA WHORE". He knew some how this could be "his strength". Teasers to taunt & draw attention from FEARS The World of 2077 was a boiling pot of paranoia, suppression and propaganda. For a better cause, The Great Hef Gadsby played the press to the nines. * January 10 2077 When the Anchorage Front Line was regained and again held by the Americans. Hef's Men's magazine pumped out an extra Special edition, Babes of the Red White & Blue.' *Paid for out of his own pocket, Hef passed them out for free, to all with proff of ID as a US citizen over the age of 18. * Yet for those with cash to spare.. The Great Hef Gadsby held luxurious signing parties where the financial elite might meet his models, take some autographed photo Opportunities in his notorious "Jungle Room" With the proceeds marked to bolster home front shelters for the refugees. The Anti American Activities Commission, seemed to have held their collective toung, as they were silent to this demonstration of Hef's Patriotic decadence. No official record was ever found, but some inter office notes where later found on terminals that hint, more than a few, Good upstanding Government Officials were in attendance. Cause and effect 2077 The news from the mainland had been so hopeless as the price of gas grew to insane highest . * The Chinese sabotage attempt at Hoover Damn ! * January 10: Alaska is reclaimed, and the Anchorage Front Line is again held by the Americans. * January 22: The first domestic use of power armor within the United States for crowd and quarantine control. Many troops who originally joined the military to serve against China's threat on the Anchorage Front Line found themselves fighting Americans at home. Food riots increased, and many civilians were killed in the social chaos. Some soldiers defected from the military both in Canada and the United States. Those that were captured would've been sent to military prisons. Others just slipped from the records of history.. Their decedents would go on to to die unknown or join another yet untold wasteland legend. * February 2077 FEV Research is leaked to the world through an unknown source. Protests in many major cities and governments around the world and US commonwealths shout accusations that the U.S. was responsible for this New Plague. * F.E.V. was seen as a the greatest social threat, second only to communism and it as a perceived infection, served as tender piles of dried sticks to fuel tensions. The governments of the world feared what the U.S. Commonwealths might be planning next. Speculations flew from trying to make a breed of super soldier like Hitler's dream of a master race, to rumors of sterilization of minorities and or any nation they saw as competition for global resources. June 18th 2077 The stage is set Six months in to pre production and Gadsby's private docks at Boston harbor nearly burst with the activity, from the construction ship yards the final bits of block, tackle, hoist and rope were secured as the ships bronze fittings and oak railings were polished to a warm glow in the summer sunshine. Like wise the cast of tantalizing ladies had also began to demonstrate more than a small amount of polish to their newly acquired and revised skills. Those ""dancers" turned actresses, under the ship master's guidance embraced their roles with historical accuracy. All of course for good reason, Hef Gadsby spared no expense and those ladies worked hard for the money. From bilge to mizzen crows nest, port through starboard and stim to stern, they had learned the ancient sailor's craft as well as the more pirating arts for the big screen. Sword play and tumbling had became their new exotic expression. Brawling with pistol butts and chairs as improvised weapons became their table dance, and where once they hung from poles for a dollar, Gadsby's big bucks had them contorting new skills. Hef's ladies had soon learned to swing from sails and leap ship to ship on ropes without a net. Yes indeed the stage was set for something more epic than the silver screen. ''ALWAYS LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE For months the production staff and services crew reported figures with dark sunglasses, trench coats and face shadowing hats lurking at docks perimeter and yet when ever an attempt was made to approached these mysterious figures, they reportedly melted into the gathered throng of media press and gawking fans. Still Hef never worried, he fully expected the Entertainment Commission to the House Un-American Activities investigation Committee to watch his every move. In fact the Great Hef Gadsby wanted them to watch as he flaunted their regulations. Hef knew there was nothing they could do. * The Entertainment Commission's ''licensing denial was all to Legal in it's exacting terms.. Heff's crews never again filmed a fame of footage or single still shot on any soil belonging to the "continental commonwealths of the USA." No matter how many government spies were sent, there was nothing to be found. Since the day one of pre production not even so much as a flash bulb or Instamatic camera had been allowed beyond the perimeter. * As a media mogul him self, Heff Gadsby knew the power of the American press and he played the rag mag tabloid fans with the oldest magic trick, "Always leave them wanting more". Even with the government hounding his every move, the Notoriously out spoken, over the top self promoter played it all soo close to the vest that the media could not resist offering thousands of dollars for the fuzziest pictures any one of Heff's new and mysterious starlets in costume.. All the news was a'buzz with The Great Hef Gadsby's mysterious project.. Only the extensive editorial pages of Hef Gadsby's own Gentlemen's magazines remained silent in the media frenzy. * Who where these unknown starlets? * Why was there no film trailers? Surely this was too massive of a production for a stage show.. * WHY WAS HEF GADSBY NOT BLOWING HIS OWN HORN !?! Hef Gadsby's fortune was taxed for the loyalty of silence it took to keep his secret, but for Hef THIS WAS WAR! *War never changes.. Command and control at near any cost. * March 2077 Unknown to the general public, in preparation for a nuclear or biological attack from China, the President and his Enclave retreated to the Poseidon oil rig and made contingency plans for continuing the war. ''Liberty sets sail 'The 4th of July 2077' "Hef Gadsby's Private sector" of the Boston ship yards, ''by reservation only, was at last open. Boarder guards checked V.I.P. and world press I.D's and escorted them to where the official set security red white and blue ribbon was officially cut beneath a torrent of ticker tape streamers, confetti and fire works. * The Great Hef Gadsby stood proudly, way out in front, thumbing his nose at those government officials he saw as petty old men that were afraid of their own wives and the wee shadow of their even more pathetic fear shrunken erections. The Great Gadsby would show the world at last. He was a playboy and a hero of liberty in his own right. The world press elite, whore mongering L.A. tabloid leeches, New York muck raking critics and a great many Un-American Activity Commission camera sporting spys, finally, were allowed to flood Heff's docks. The shapely cast all draped in their most seductive pirate costumes swung from ship to ship, high above the mob of flash bulb popping paparazzi that so lusted for a sound bite. *"Would the Grate Hef Gadsby dare to film on U.S.A's Commonwealth soil despite the clearly stated prohibition ?" Yet, that 4th of July, there was to be no prolonged speeches to answer all the media buzz but when the great moment finally did arrived, above the sound of the cheering crowd and the blaring US national anthem, Hef's voice could be heard to command, "HOIST THE COLORS AND MAKE WAY FOR LIBERTY !!" Then, right on cue the 24 replica Spanish galleons unfurled their stylized pirate flags and Hef himself was yanked skyward on near invisible stage cables like Peter Pan flying to the highest yardarm of his flagship "Liberty" and with that the Great Hef Gadsby's flotilla cast off all mooring lines and set sail for international waters where the Anti American Activity Commission held no sway. The lucky 13 (The summer of 2077) It was only when Hef Gadsby's flotilla hit open, unregulated, international waters that they were joined by Hef's 2nd wave of support ships. The LUCKY 13, They were small yachts bought, individually, trough various 3rd party holdings then resold a few more times to create such a boggy paper trail that even the most paranoid Anti American Activities agent would be befuddled to trace. The LUCKY 13's crews were like wise gathered in covert fashion. lighting and camera crews from Alaska, sound techs from east Africa, make up and costume specialists from western France and scuba diving / safety and support staff from New Zealand and Indonesia. The Great Hef Gadsby's cast and company was indeed a global collaboration. Promising action & proclamations Productions of Hef's film began promptly. All took to their tasks with artful efficiency and the love of a fun story with the promise of adventure that flew boldly in the face of a frightened world and the over reactionaries who sought to keep peace with a fist of fear and boots that never questioned the rights they tread on. Months past as the Great Hef Gadsby's armada filmed exotic locations and provocative scenes, cresting a turnabout off California's outbound waters, around back through the Bahamas and up the east coast again. All the while small snip it's of film from the daily productions where purposely leaked to the entertainment shakers and movers of Hollywood, New York, London, Paris, Sydney. Even as far off and controversial as Osaka Japan. * Barbarella's Buck'n Can-can arrz was foremost the news on all the worlds lips. Hef's movie took the peoples minds off the dread in their hearts. It was the one thing they could speak of without such a tremble in their hands to make their tea cups rattle. Public opinion fueled the tabloids and popular press commentaries soon fallowed suit. Within the span of a scant few months stories from the entertainment section bled onto the front page of national syndicated papers and magazines even more widely respected than Hef's own media empire. The gears of Fear ~ March 2077 Unknown to the general public, in preparation for a nuclear or biological attack from China, the President and his Enclave retreated to the Poseidon oil rig and made contingency plans for continuing the war. This was the moment that Hef was to win his war! The President gave the public what they wanted. The movie would be cleared for release in the USA as a distraction for the masses. It was distributed & a gala event was planed with New York swagger at every opening. Hef & his fleet sought to make an epic Hollywood style entrance upon the docks so close to where they had been denied their Liberty.. It was a moment of glory & unrecorded JOY... ~~~ Then the bombs fell & the world fell deeper & deeper into hell. ''' Hef lost a few small watercraft, some crew he knew well & others just as the industries call "extras" were dragged down by tidal force as the waves swelled up from the New York's main land explosions that echoed across all & the world they knew as it burned.. The Great & proud Hef Gadsby cried for a day & a night despite all offers to comfort him from any of his fine crew. The world he knew was gone & his moment of victory was wasted. These where not tears of misplaced pride but rather true regret for what men do. Hef eventually felt he could not live in a world that would no longer have room for art. It is said he scribbled a few poetic lines of regret,& best wishes to those who could survive but sadly that has been lost in time. The last proud words of The Great Hef Gadsby go unheard to the void as he slowly unsheathed a fittingly elaborately engraved dagger. He held it high to admire it's beauty & then he put it slowly to his chest. Inch by inch Hef forced the blade into his own flesh, past the ribs and into his already broken heart & held it there until he was no more. The Great Hef Gadsby had felt each second of his death with all the passion he had known every year of his life.. Many of Hef's ladies fell upon his bed begging their kiss could reverse this curse of death, Yet all was for naught... Last to his bed side came " Rachel Dot Penelope" She was to have been Hef's STAR had the world not ended. She sat long into the night, ever holding his hand as it went colder but as the sun came up she saw the light of Hef's dream.. She rose & would never again answer to any name than Barbarella. The King was dead, Long live the Pirate Queen ! Barbarella & her crew of saucy wenches lovingly washed Hef's remains, then dressed his body in his finest robes. Barbarella then kissed both his eyes before placing a silver coin upon them. Hef was then wrapped in sheets of satin & silk along with more than a few cannon balls for weight. The Great Hef Gadsby was then held aloft & and slowly marched by his most beloved ladies to the ships railing & allowed final rest as his remains slipped off the plank into the briny deep. Barbarella drew her sword & declared these ship borne souls would live free & survive at any cost. All bowed their heads. There was no, cheer. They everyone & all took this as a solemn vow... The Great Hef Gadsby's legacy... * Hell & damnation had fell upon this crew. The devils of this world would soon know what was dew. Barbarella took to the helm, ordered Hef's flag be raised from half mast & guided all ships away from the radioactive cloud. They sailed south to the islands untouched..Ironically it was in fact " The Barbary Coast " where these crews would set harbor & over time make a base for all their deeds on the bloody sea. The old world was on nuclear fire. This was now a wold of savagery where only the strongest survived & this Pirate Queen Barbarella & her Buck'n Can-can arrz rose to the swell & tide.. Barbarella took to the sea in a way Hef would have been proud of. With the mainland in ruins the oceans, lakes & rivers became the water borne high ways & where there was traffic, There would be profit & survival for all but those who would fly against Hef's flag. Small raids against Enclave & raider docks gained these ladies some profit but also reputation. The remaining Enclave took a grudge at their small advances & their would be hellish deeds as the Buck'n Can-can arrz stood to fight laser cannons with black powder & an assortment of shrapnel rounds. * The Buck'n Can-can arrz soon proved a force to be reckoned with on the open water & coastal shores. They took on raider camps with a blood feud efficiency & soon even the Enclave water craft would be added to their flotilla under a pirate's flag. This bloody call for freedom sadly also inspired others to take up the pirate way of life. '''Barbarella would soon see she sailed against many new flung flags. The water ways became the bloody path to wealth & slavery as punks from the streets also took to the sea. 2278 " Who shall NEXT WALK OUR BLOOD STAINED PLANK ?!" Declared the raven haired Barbarella. Less than a year after the bombs burned the earth a host of would be pirates took to coastal shores & inlet water ways. They all competed for their own power & glory but too many just lusted for wealth in a broken world. October 23: A pre Halloween costume show was called for at Freddy Fear's House of Scares. The preparations were made that morning. * October 23: Nuka-Cola Quantum is broadly distributed to the public. * October 23: The Sierra Madre gala event was set to begin. *October 30: A week after the initial blast, a black rain begins to fall. The source of the black rain was the massive amounts of radioactive particle debris (mainly soot) from the nuclear firestorm a week earlier. Plants and animals both go rapidly into extinction. Bad and worse swelled with those tides Bad Tidings of Comfort and Joy This small fleet took to deeper water and considered their options.. Their on hand supply of liquors, thanks to the much missed Great Hef were more than well stocked but as this was intended to be a short film the END OF THE KNOWN WORLD was not accounted for. Finger foods, snacks and dips just could not hold them out. This small flotilla turned north east and took on the shore line as they encountered more folks that could best be described as the post world pirates.. For better or worse. Towns and resorts along the way had been over run by such desperate souls as to be called willing raiders.. B'arbarellae and those under her command tried best they could to survive and take no more than they needed.. Still War never changes & in service was also Dr. Chahaya Dian, called " Wraps" as she known to even cut scraps of her own dress to bandage many survivors.. Some of which had had just attempted to shoot her in the face.' Raiders fell as did some unnamed cast & crew.. No one asked for these particular battles but desperation, famine and dehydration they drive a will as old as war. B'arbarellae the ex stripper, exotic dancer and would be movie star had the world survived took lead to the challenge under Hef's flag. She flung her mind body and f'lesh into the fray time and again. The discharged body count rose but her crew would not remain hungry. Hef was as a father to her and she would not fail him. Cannon fire, blades and bullets flew at her command. B'arbarellae more than stood the line, she defined it. Fate was clearly more a '''fickle thing than even her brave heart could stand against.. A host of raiders fell before her but in the end even sweetest fruit must fall from the vine. 21 years had come & gone.. B'arbarellae fell in a hail of glorious gunfire that would make the bravest Valkyrie weep.. '''Dr. Chahaya Dian " Wraps" did all she could but none could save the lovely Barbarellae. http://www.pandora.com/ Callia Avice was cast as an understudy for Barbarellae's part in Hef's movie but there was never any envied ill will.. Barbarellae had embraced her crew and supported one and all as family preparing them them to take up her sword and drive on with her blessing under the flag of The Great Hef Gadsby's 'Buck'n Can-can arrz.. None cried with more honest passion filled grief for the passing of Barbarella than Callia Avice did the day ''she was first called Captain. There it was pirates of all description battling on land & sea. Factions rose like swelling tides Captain Callia Avice faced off with some of the smelliest black hearten sons of motherless souls and she drove her fleet on shouting in her broken French accent " Vive la Barbarella !! Hell to who fly against la Formidable Hef's flag !! Meanwhile aboard the "SS Baiting Wench ", Hef's second wave command ship, Captain Lily Nguyen cried out " BLOODY HELL INDEED !! " This called for a chorus from the Captain & crew of the third wave command ship, "The SS Hell fire and piss" under the command of one Captain Kathleen Fallon into a chant of = Follow Me Up To Carlow = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvECtlJQ4dU ~ Waite for it !! ~~~~ SaintPain→ 'Here to help." Next up on the center stage ~ Everybody give it up for 2282 Notes for upcoming characters : *Dr. Chahaya Dian (Indonesian descent) *Captain Callia Avice (French descent) *Captain Lily Nguyen (Thai-Australian descent) *Captain Kathleen Fallon (Irish-American descent) *Captain Isabella Caedmon (New Zealand descent) *Captain Aba Hidi (African descent) *Captain Olivia Yazzie (Native Alaskan descent) *Captain Kai Haukea (Hawaiian descent) *Captain Genji Jun (Japanese-American descent) *Captain Aerlene Udell (Anglo-American descent) *Captain Zia Yusuf (Moroccan-American descent) *Captain Gabriel Vargas (Mexican-American descent) *Captain Ana Angeni (Blackfoot Native-American descent) *Captain Mary Blood AKA Bloody Mary (Caucasian-American exact descent unknown) 'Gallery Click on the pic for best view !'' PR1.jpg B1.jpg PR.jpg B2.png B4.jpg B5.jpg B8.jpg P11.jpg P9.jpg P10.jpg B7.jpg ColorFixed.jpg PinkishP.jpg Collectable.jpg|Barbarella's Buck'n Can-can arrz Cllectable Pin Colors.jpg|Gadsby's Flagship colors HefGadsby.jpg|The Great Hef Gadsby Barbarella.jpg|Barbarella Created by SaintPain→ '''That was broke afore I got here.. Again' 02:17, October 23, 2011 (UTC) Category:Factions Category:Novels